Church, the Christian faith the black version of Christianity. I am talking about the clap hand dancing, singing pastor jumping church. Church was not a time to sit and listen, it is entertainment, audience participation, shouting, jumping. Followed close by with the chastisement the judgments the process of individuality
No point in pretending I am not a believer. I was raised in a strict Christian house hold with what is known in my Caribbean culture as having a God fearing mother, whatever that means. She was much to be feared and I sure as well know she feared no one so her fear of God is yet to surprise me.
I sat in a church in Jamaica at a funeral, black funerals are also something spectacular, it was has completely taken over by the pastor. A female pastor which is most amicable of the predominately male run church pastors to get with the times. Her sermon full of judgement, dictations and fear. Question is do I feel loved, safe and cared for, absolutely not.
I’ve come to accept first hand from the faith that I was raised in, that Christianity the black way is by far the absolute worse for anyone’s mental wellbeing. If you aren’t fearing the chastisement of god then you fear the rejection and judgment of the congregation the elders the pastor and that elite family that the particular church revolves around. There is always one, this is the family that sets the trend, the family who are more holier than thou, the best singers musicians and the ultimate jocks of the church. The congregation look to them for style and fashion seeking out prestige acknowledgement from. Just like high school, only thing is that it is et in a church under the pretense of God. I remember when I used to go, and one of these jocks just looking through me like I didn’t even exist, it was so demoralizing, demeaning and anxiety provoking.
Mental wellbeing and the black community an absolute conundrum of denial, that. Is almost say eggs ice cream and soup all in the same bowl. For the post traumatic stress disorder of the repercussions of what we went through as a nation of people forbids us to open up and gave our mental turmoil a platform
So what do we do, instead we take to the lord we seek out Jesus because that is what we were fed as slaves to be our only hope and yet we still believe that it really is our only hope, life after death is going to be great, yay death. As you can imagine any slave would quite happily look forward to death because it is the only thing you got to look forward to as a slave
So we accept and hide our emotional mental turmoil and go to church where it gets worse. We follow the rules of some self serving overbearing power hungry undercover sexual deviant. I speak flippantly and no not all of them are money hungry sexual de aunts but many are. Church is big business these days, pastors have private jets, hareems of women, wear only designer. The church in Jamaica has a congregation filled to the brim with designer clothes, I went to use th bath room, realized I should have taken a short plumbing course to use the facilities as the water tank was not filled up and it would not flush so I had to pour water in the toilet to flush it. Yet the congregation look well and in their Prada, Gucci, Armani, even the tags hanging outside the clothes to demonstrate that they bought it new.
It’s no wonder so many of us are stuck confused and without any direction when a preacher tells us to leave it to God. Leave what exactly and how and then what. The confusion is astounding and getting out of hand.
Christianity has always been at the cornerstone of black communities particular those like mine. Caribbean heritage and a firm belief in God, Jesus the father the Son and the Holy Ghost.
When trouble hits no explanation other than it’s the devil and pray. Pray to who where how and what. In its confusion comes the questioning the turmoil the worry and the need for acceptance. Why because the when a person expresses emotional mental unrest they feel isolated and alone and the need for acceptance increases.
Guess where you will get immediate rejection, as a black person born into these traditions, culture of the black church. If you don’t follow their rules then guess what you can do, get lost and be devoured by the devil. Simple as that.
I think it is wrong in every way, but who am I to say anything.